Amongst Italians, everyone’s recipe for marinara sauce is the best. “It’s my Great-Grandmother’s recipe, you coglione!”

In my experience, marinara-pride claims are rivaled only by arguments of those ranking rib rubs.

Recognizing that, I’m going to commit an act of eresia (that’s Italian for “heresy”, my goombas):

When making marinara sauce in bulk (2 or 3 gallons), do not make it in a pot on the stovetop – bake it in the oven.

Now, before you decide to whack me (or off me, or whack me o..), hear me out. There are a bunch of problems with the traditional stovetop approach.

1. You have to stand over the pot and stir it incessantly. I’ll refer you to the scene in Casino where Henry Hill’s drug runner was slaving over the stove before flying the coke out to Pittsburgh with her lucky hat.

2. There are fairly good odds that the bottom of the pot will begin to burn – a problem that pollutes the contents with a faint burnt flavor and smell (if you’re lucky enough to not stir the char into the sauce).

3. The pot takes up a ton of precious stovetop space, preventing a respectable fratello such as yourself from searing meatballs, frying some gabagool, or whipping up a pan of bagna cauda.

Here’s how it works: Preheat your oven to 375. Sweat your diced onion, garlic, and anchovy fillets (use these instead of salt to get the right flavor balance, add umami, and they will add zero fishy taste) in the pot with a little olive oil. Once the onions are translucent, the garlic is golden, and the anchovies have “melted”, shut off the stove and add your crushed tomatoes and some tomato paste to the pot. Stir to integrate the onion mixture and paste. Place the pot in the hot oven, uncovered, for about an hour and a half. Stir it every half hour. That’s 3 stirs for all you segaiolos who are math-challenged. Add a tablespoon of crushed red pepper (not for heat, but to balance out the sweetness), a tablespoon of dried oregano, and a tablespoon of dried basil (if fresh herbs aren’t available) and stir. It’s OK to stir in the crusty stuff off the side of the pot; it adds concentrated flavor. Cover the pot and let it bake for another hour – stirring twice. Remove the pot from the oven, stir in about 2 tablespoons of real butter (don’t be bringing that margarine crap into my kitchen, you cagacazzo). This adds a little sheen and texture while neutralizing unpleasant acidity.

That’s it.

I make this recipe with about 13 pounds (or around 6 kg) of crushed tomatoes (2 No. 10 cans), 2 diced vidalia onions, 8 diced cloves of garlic, and 2 cans anchovies in oil. In three hours with very little labor I have plenty of better-than-restaurant sauce for eatin’ and freezin’.

Now get outta here and go tell your Ma you found a better way to make Sunday supper.